ADHD and Low Self-Esteem
Why do we always feel like we’re not enough?
If you’ve got ADHD, you probably know this feeling too well: you accomplish something and instead of celebrating, your brain whispers, “Yeah, but anyone could’ve done that.” Or worse, “You just got lucky.”
That little voice? It’s a jerk. But more importantly, it’s lying.
Low self-esteem is weirdly common with ADHD. Like, freakishly common. It’s one of those things that sneaks up on you in the background, messing with how you see yourself, how you work, how you talk to people... even how you rest.
Okay but... why?
From a young age, many of us with ADHD grow up being told, directly or indirectly, that we’re too much or not enough—or both, somehow, at the same time. Too loud, too slow, too forgetful, not focused enough, not mature enough. You name it.
That kind of feedback chips away at you. You stop trusting your own sense of accomplishment. Even when you succeed, it doesn’t feel real. This is where the imposter syndrome creeps in—feeling like you're faking it, even if you’re actually crushing it.
If you want a deeper dive into the science and patterns behind this, I found this article on more about the link between ADHD and low Self Esteem super useful. It's not just “in your head.” There’s real data behind this stuff.
How ADHD twists our self-image
ADHD doesn’t just mess with your focus. It plays with your memory and your internal reward system too. That means even when you do something awesome, your brain might not store it as a “win.” Or worse, it might just delete it from your internal highlight reel altogether.
So what you're left with is a bunch of failures on loop and none of your actual accomplishments in view. No wonder our self-image gets so skewed.
“Glaze yourself.” No seriously, do it.
This one’s big. I call it “glazing yourself,” because it sounds kind of hilarious and oddly satisfying. But what I mean is this: you have to give yourself credit. And I don’t mean in a fake-it-til-you-make-it, stare-in-the-mirror-and-say-affirmations way (unless that works for you—no shade). I mean notice what you actually do well, and then acknowledge it out loud. Even if no one’s around.
- Finished a task you’ve been putting off for two weeks? Glazed.
- Made it through a stressful phone call? Glazed.
- Did literally anything when your brain wanted to spiral? Triple glazed, honestly.
Too many of us treat our wins like they don’t count. Like “that’s just adulting” or “well, it wasn’t hard.” But for us, sometimes the “easy” things are actually the hardest. And they do count.
Little ways to build yourself back up
Let’s be real. You’re not going to wake up one day with magically high self-esteem just because you read a blog post. (Although, if that happens—amazing. Let me know.) But here are a few low-pressure ways to start nudging your self-image in a better direction:
- Start tracking your wins. Make a list. Use a note on your phone. Doesn’t matter how small. “Did laundry” is a win. “Drank water before coffee” is a win.
- Use your environment as a mirror. If people around you respect you, believe them. Even if your brain doesn’t. Borrow their perspective.
- Read stuff that makes you feel seen. (Like this post, I hope.) Here’s one on coping with change that helped me reframe how I deal with unpredictability. ADHD loves chaos—might as well get good at surfing it.
- Talk to yourself like a friend. You wouldn’t tell your friend their success doesn’t count. So stop doing that to yourself.
You’re not broken. You’re just wired differently.
It’s corny but true. ADHD doesn’t mean you’re doomed to hate yourself forever. It just means you’ve got to learn to advocate for yourself in ways most people never had to. And that starts with giving yourself the credit you deserve.
Glaze accordingly.