ADHD and Trust Issues
Why trusting feels harder when you have ADHD
If you’re reading this, there’s a decent chance you’ve been burned before. Maybe by someone who didn’t follow through. Or maybe you didn’t follow through yourself, and the fallout made you question everything about you and other people. ADHD brains don’t just feel that betrayal, they replay it. Again and again. Our brains love a good rerun, especially if it hurts a little.
The emotional replays no one talks about
For me, trust issues show up like this: I meet someone, they seem cool, I want to believe them. But deep down, my brain has a highlight reel of all the times trusting too fast went sideways. So I double-check motives, assume people are annoyed, and brace for impact before anything bad even happens.
That sounds dramatic. It is. But it’s not just “trust issues” in the classic sense. It’s how ADHD shapes memory, emotions, and the need to avoid repeating pain. We literally remember the sting more vividly than neurotypical people do. So we build armor.
Perfectionism feeds the cycle
If you’ve ever thought “I can’t trust them” and “I can’t trust myself either,” welcome to the club. ADHD perfectionism means one mistake feels like a verdict on our whole character. So, trust is not just about others, it’s about trusting that you’ll handle it well if something goes wrong. It’s a tangled knot.
I found this article on How to overcome trust issues in ADHD relationships really helpful because it breaks down how both sides see it. Spoiler: it’s not always your fault. Or theirs. Sometimes it’s just a misfiring brain plus life.
So, what do we do about it?
It’s not hopeless, I swear. Trust can be rebuilt, even if it feels awkward at first. Here’s what I’ve learned (or at least try to practice):
- Start small. You don’t have to hand over the keys to your heart or your house on day one. Test trust in little ways. See how people show up.
- Check your brain’s stories. Sometimes the trust issue is old fear dressed up as fresh suspicion. Ask yourself: is this happening now or am I reliving an old scar?
- Talk it out. If you trust someone enough, say “Hey, I struggle with trust because my brain eats itself alive with worst-case scenarios.” Good people will get it.
Trusting yourself is half the battle
The more I trust that I can handle change, the less I panic about people letting me down. If that resonates, you might like this piece on How to handle change with ADHD. Because trust and change are basically cousins. They both freak out our ADHD brains.
Give yourself some credit
Just because you struggle with trust doesn’t mean you’re broken or paranoid. It means your brain remembers hurt really well and wants to protect you. Annoying? Yes. But kinda sweet, too, in a messed-up way.
If you’re stuck in the trust loop right now, pause. Breathe. You don’t have to trust perfectly. You just have to try, a tiny bit at a time.
How do you handle trust issues? If you have ADHD, you’re not alone in this messy corner of the brain. Tell me your best (or worst) trust stories in the comments. We can cringe and learn together.