ADHD and Guilt After Fun
Why do we feel bad for having a good time?
You finally let yourself relax. Maybe you played video games for a few hours, hung out with friends, got way too into a new hobby, or just laid in bed doing absolutely nothing—and for a little while, it felt good.
Then, bam. The guilt hits.
Suddenly you’re spiraling. “I wasted my day.” “I should’ve been productive.” “No wonder I’m behind on everything.” And before you know it, the fun moment that was supposed to recharge you becomes another thing your brain uses to beat you up with.
Let’s talk about why that happens (and how to chill)
So, here’s the deal. A lot of us with ADHD struggle with time blindness, all-or-nothing thinking, and this overwhelming sense that we’re perpetually behind. Combine that with years of internalized shame from not meeting neurotypical standards, and it makes total sense why “fun” feels wrong.
We tend to tie our self-worth to productivity. If we’re not getting something done, we’re “wasting time.” And when we finally do something enjoyable? Our brain treats it like we broke some unspoken rule.
This pattern isn’t just a personal flaw—it’s baked into the ADHD experience. If you’ve ever wondered why you avoid tasks all the time, it’s related. The guilt after fun is like a cousin of the guilt that keeps you stuck avoiding stuff in the first place. Different outfits, same emotional loop.
You’re allowed to have fun
Okay, I know that sounds obvious. But like, actually let it sink in: you are allowed to enjoy things.
Fun isn’t a reward you earn for being perfect. It’s part of being human. Especially if you’re neurodivergent, you need more breaks and joy to stay regulated. Fun isn’t frivolous—it’s necessary.
That said, guilt doesn’t care about logic. Even if you know all this, you might still feel that pit in your stomach after a good time. If that’s you, here’s what helps me:
- Check if you’re actually off track, or just judging yourself. Did you really fall behind? Or are you just being hard on yourself for taking a break?
- Ask if your actions still align with your goals. If your big picture is still on track, you’re fine. If not, no shame—just pivot. This isn't failure. It's course correction.
- Remind yourself this guilt has a name. There’s a great breakdown of the connection between ADHD and shame. Seeing it spelled out like that helped me separate the emotion from my identity.
- Talk to yourself like someone you care about. Would you guilt-trip your friend for watching a movie after a long week? Probably not.
It’s not about being “deserving”
Sometimes the guilt after fun is tangled up in this idea that we haven’t earned it yet. Like there’s a scoreboard somewhere keeping track of how hard we’ve worked, and if we didn’t “do enough,” we’re not allowed to feel good yet.
But life isn’t a reward system. And ADHD doesn’t come with a rulebook. You’re navigating things in your own way, and that includes how and when you recharge.
Fun is part of the plan
You don’t have to treat joy like a cheat day. If anything, building regular, intentional fun into your schedule keeps your brain and motivation aligned. The key is just knowing what your goals are, and checking in with them honestly.
Guilt is loud, but it doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. Sometimes it just means you’re breaking out of a mindset that no longer serves you. And that’s a good thing.
You deserve to feel good. And if you’re still learning to believe that—same here. We’ll get there.